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This is me!

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1 This is me! i mån jan 25, 2010 2:50 am

OscarWilde

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An article about me. Since I'm british, so is this



Oscar 'Born to be' Wilde: A man whose wisdom touches on nearly every conceivable topic, often without consent, which has led to several lawsuits. In later years, a great debate sprang up over whether men or women touched his heart, an issue that has not been completely settled.

Some of his many achievements includes: being the inventor of baking soda, night storage heaters, the tongue, liquids, and bondage gear. An avid hippo hunter, Oscar Wilde is a stylish man-about-town, occasional car mechanic, Chinese satay and hibachi chef, talented underwater basket-weaver, five times winner of the international make-your-own-massive-working-model-of-the-solar-system-out-of-paiper maché award, fill-in vocalist for Nirvana, goalkeeper for Angeren 6, sometime snubber, part-time superhero, holder of the patent on earphones, keeper of the wickets for the Grand Knights of Australia, Eurovision winner, and the Champion of Hyrule. However, he is best known for being the record-holder of Saying Bugger off, tic-tac-toe grandmaster, older brother of Optimus Wilde, a !!!! of excessive lists of his own achievements, and the greatest man ever to live. Another achievement of his was being shot by Tupac with little or no injury, apart from the loss of his 4th liver.



More recently, he has been elevated to the status of Rastafarian saint and Greek demigod, which has been confirmed by the Abrahamic God ("Yeah, Ole Wild-E sure knows how to convince a guy through freestyle battle rap, bee-otch." -God) He was also the Founder, Secretary, and Chief Editor of the Uncyclopedia and Master of the Hallowed Book. He gave birth to Pithy Saying Man, and Cecil. He is the sworn enemy of Billy Mays. John Walsh is rumored to know Wilde's current location, although he refuses to answer any questions.





Due to a recently discovered picture, journalists and experts have claimed Wilde's lack of recent public appearances or published works is explained by his being frozen in carbonite. Although this theory has been heavily disputed by 4 out of 5 dentists, there is no true evidence to debunk this altogether.



Wilde death has been reported numerous times throughout history. However these are most often attributed to the deaths of Wilde's many clones often mistaken for himself or drunken prank calls to Livejournal, Fox News, and similar news agencies. Due to his impulsive nature, particularly in his habit of stealing borrowing H. G. Wells's time machine out for a joyride, we may never know the true fate of Oscar Wilde.
4004 BC- Oscar Wilde tries to travel back to stone age in H. G. Well's time machine, but disintegrates after passing the start of time at 6:00pm on September 20, 4004 b.c. This proves Ussher's calculation of the age of the world correct to the minute.
3256 BC - Wilde the Gray was killed by a Balrog in Moria, but he was reborn three days later and presented himself to his 564 Apostles as Wilde the White, gaining the power to enter white neighborhoods in the American Southeast without constantly being told, "We don't like your kind 'round here, boy," by gentlemen wearing pointy hats. He later brought a group of Kazakh shrews to defend Minas Tirith from the introduction of genetically modified crops.
2348 BC - Oscar Wilde perishes in the Deluge.
1897 BC - Wilde, then Grand Viser and Queen of Sodom, perishes during its destruction.
1337 AD - Oscar Wilde is challenged to a duel by Lord Byron in 6,666 AD. Because dueling was then illegal, they traveled back to 1337. Wilde prevailed, but was later killed by a cheap shot from another Lord Byron from an unidentified time. Upon hearing of this, future Oscar Wilde presses charges in 2009, but finds the statue of limitations has expired.
1821 - Oscar Wilde travels back in time to rape his own grandmother and become his own grandfather, to settle a bet with Lord Byron over whether such an action would cause the universe to explode by the violation of the laws of causality. Wilde succeeds in this endeavor and gains the power to see flying telepathic brains who intend to destroy to universe. Unfortunately, Wilde has arrested, convicted, and executed for the rape the same year.
1854 - Oscar Wilde is stillborn. Upon learning of this, future Oscar Wilde clones himself and travels back in time, replacing the stillborn original version of himself with his newborn clone.
1855 - Oscar Wilde is executed for violating the Laws of Causality.
1885 - Sir Oscar Wilde was tried and hanged during the Salem, Oregon, Witch Trials.
1895 - Executed for treason after it was discovered that Wilde was a greater Queen than Queen Victoria. After Wilde was seem alive again in Paris two years later, the British government falsely claimed that they had merely sentenced Wilde to prison for two years for "Gross Indecency".
1900 - Oscar Wilde and his wallpaper fight a duel to the death. The wallpaper wins.
1938 - Oscar Wilde is killed in the Hindenburg disaster shortly before the start of WWII. (Note: He was later found encased in ice somewhere in the North Pole and worshiped by Eskimos for some time until he was freed by the Avengers.)
1942 - Oscar Wilde was killed on National Try To Assassinate The President Day. His last words were made up. He retained the presidency due to being his own vice president.
1947 - WWII hero Oscar Wilde was sentenced to death by Kitten Command for his destruction of the Nazi secret weapon Goliath and executed a few days earlier in Eugene, Oregon.
1963 - During the construction of the Egyptian Pyramids, he falls down from his horse and breaks his nose. Drowns in his own blood.
1986- Oscar, walking down Madison Ave. with his pet giraffe, two cases of potato salad, and three barrels of juicy juice, trips over a group of young pistachios, falls into the New York sewer system, and is eaten by a group of hungry Conservatives. His remains were then given to Margaret Thatcher as the democratic tribute to Her Terrible and Awesome rule.
1995 - Dies of dehydration after a month-long drooling session over Rei Ayanami.
1998 - Dies of Kumquat overdose. Some historians have suggested that it may have in fact been a cum overdose.
1999 - Is killed by rampant football hooligans, after composing the epic poem "The ballad of Reading Goal" to celebrate the football club's first ever goal in a completion match.
2005 - Dies in hospital after eating the fruit of an I-tree
2006 - Is hunted Down by Batman and Killed because his Perpetual Motion Machine Won't Help Batman Wash his car
3047 - Dies after an epic battle against the forces of Zombie Jesus, but not before wiping out his entire fleet of Scientologists in a bid to liberate the world.
3047 - After his defeat by Zombie Jesus, he was risen by Jesus's Necromancer Form and flung into a flaming pile of steak, screaming all the way.
0.0001 P. (Post) - Wilde dies from gets the stuffing beaten out of him by Batman (who was also cloned from a discarded kleenex) for declaring cheese the universal currency and thus rendering Batman's money mostly useless.



Wilde is also suspected to be involved in the Turkish sex trade, Photo showing him being held at will captive.






Achievements

1 googol B. C. - Oscar Wilde invents God.
4004 B. C. - Oscar Wilde says his first witty thing
1993 B. C - Zeus, returning from a long retirement, removes the head of Oscar Wilde, which spews forth the gods, Artemis, Genie, Hugh Downes, and Zach Haught
1443 B. C. - Oscar invents nuclear fusion and nuclear fission
702 B. C. - Sir Oscar Wilde is elected British Prime Minister.
536 B. C. - Wilde invents the wheel, because dragging around his awards and novels was becoming tiring.
0 - Oscar Wilde conquers Mars.
576 A. D. - Wilde founds the Oscars. As a prestigious arse himself, Wilde sees it only fitting to judge and bestow some of his spare awards upon lesser prestigious persons.
725 A. D. - Oscar Wilde is dubbed the "King of Quotes" by his beloved Britain.
800 A. D. - Oscar Wilde founds Uncyclopedia, and dubs himself the "Chief Quoter".
823 A. D. - Wilde kills his arch-nemesis Lord Byron in a pistol duel. This ignites a firestorm of apathy, which sweeps through the streets of Britain like a lorry at 4:00PM on a Friday afternoon.
863 A. D. - Wilde discovers the mysterious Dental_Fabric lying on his porch, and claims it as his own invention, later to be proven wrong by tachyon-based beings that live through time backwards.
1005 A. D., also known as 2006 or 0 BNR - Wilde takes over Microsoft, which by that time consists of one employee, Guest, having copyrighted all Microsoft jokes on the Internet. See also 2006.
1337 A. D., Oscar Wilde is born. How this is possible nobody knows. Except For a specific person but this person has been killed by Brody Self. Sadly, This person's name cannot be revealed due to copyright regulations.
1435.723 A. D. - Wilde places picture of self over his fireplace, but soon dislikes the setting and moves painting to kitchen.
1534 A. D. - Wilde burns down most of London by distributing dangerously flammable copies of a book on DHMO, then creates a hologram version of the city. The only person to ever realize this was Vlad the Impala, but he suffered a turnip wound to the leg and died before the story could get out.
1702 A. D. - US President Oscar Wilde begins the first US Open, which took place took place somewhere in the Himalayas. Needless to say, Oscar won the tournament with a 369 over par.
1868 A. D.-Organizes the first League of Extraordinary People from a group of kids he found at the orphanage. They battle against Evil Lincoln and liberate the slaves from the burden of being freemen.
1882 A. D. - Oscar Wilde visits San Francisco to spread this philosophy of "Aestheticism".
1889 A. D. - Nintendo is founded, Oscar Wilde is appointed the Lord High Arbiter of Nintendo for life
1895 A. D. - Oscar sues the Marquess of Queensberry for libel after he leaves a note calling Wilde a "posing Somdomite". Ironically, Wilde would be sued the next day for libel, fraud, defamation, slander, mental distress, and/or "what ever sticks" by Pr. Video after Wilde gives a bad internet review of Pr. Video's lame-assed shit products.
1897 A. D. - After his legal troubles in Victorian England, Oscar Wilde moves to France, a nation more to his liking.
1900 A. D. - Oscar Wilde narrowly losses a duel to the death to his curtains.
1909 A. D. - While picking through his pockets Oscar Wilde finds a piece of lint which, unbenownst to him, has achieved sentience. That piece of lint is now the official mascot of University of The North Pole, and a multinational study of Oscar Wilde's trouser pockets' ability to bestow sentience was begun in the Spring of 1954.
1939 A. D. - Combines with Genghis Khan to form Genghis Wilde, the greatest Super Saiyan the universe has ever known. Battles on the side of Pope John Paul 2.0 during the Great Doobie War and wins the decisive battle at Miami Beach.
1945 A. D. - One of two people two survive both atomic bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Oscar Wilde was right under both bombs.
March 17, 1954 A. D. - Oscar Wilde fights Mother Nature in the first internationally-televised boxing match in three hundred years. Oscar wins by knockout three seconds into the first round. Mother Nature is incapacitated for six months, causing Spring and Summer of that year not to happen.
1972 A. D. - Jailed by a military court for a crime he didn't commit.
1977 A. D. - To power his Uncyclopedia, Wilde harnesses the unlimited energy of either a Stormtroopers vs. Red Shirts device or a Cat-Toast Device. The exact method remains the source of much controversy.
1978 A. D. - Wilde founds the band Wilde Boys, they split the following year over an argument about curtains.
1980 A. D. - Wilde founds the band Metallica.
1984 A. D. - On the Idiotic Table of the Elements, Oscarwildeum is simultaneously discovered, created, and accidentally eaten. Rejoicing all around.
1988 A. D. - stars in hit sitcom Return.
1989 A. D. - Has another hit television show on E! entitled "Wilde On."
1992 A. D. - Oscar Wilde forcibly impregnates Sonic the Preggo, resulting in the birth of Duck Wilde
1998 A. D. - Wilde dies after consuming one too many kumquats. He is the first man known to do so. As he said before he died:
(“Kumquats, Kumquats! I must have my Kumquats!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Kumquats
2003 A. D. - Wilde is reportedly seen simultaneously entering and exiting a taxi cab in downtown New York City in apparent defiance of the draconian laws of causality.
2005 A. D. - After the Multicultural Revolution which ushered in the De Facto Unbridled Capitalism system in China, the legendary "Orange Book of the Sayings of Chairman Mao" sadly fell into neglect. The "Purple Book of Quatrains" by Wilde now tops the best-seller lists in China. The Purple Book is virtually unknown elsewhere in the Known World. Also, Wilde proves that the solar system is way different that we thought.
2005 A. D. - Sir Oscar Wilde invents the Perpetual Motion Machine with the help of Godzilla and without the help of the ungrateful Batman who tried to foil his plan after learning that a perpetual motion machine is not going to wash his Batmobile. In creating the Machine Wilde foils millions of mad scientists around the world and drove many others to a psychotic breakdown. Including world Renowned Billionaire Joe Bloke.
Wilde has not been able to patent his machine due to the fact that it won't stop moving long enough for him to put on the little copyright sticker.
2006 A. D. - Oscar Wilde Has a boxing match with Joe Bloke and gets the stuffing beaten out of him. Was last seen getting dragged out of the ring by his good friend and well wisher, Harry Potter
2007 A. D. - Oscar makes friends with a monkey
2012 A. D. - Wilde allies with Cthulhu. Also known as a squid whale. Together they brought peace and justice to U.S. after years of terror and fear.
2017 A. D. - Wilde created the WWWW (Wilde's World Wild Web) which is an internet not only world wild but also time wilde.
3082.3 A. D. - Wilde is cloned from a discarded Kleenex. He is elected supreme leader of Earth and surrounding territories. Blows Helena Bowen.
0 P.C. (Post Cheese) - Wilde declares Cheese as the new universal currency.
0.0001 P.C. - Wilde dies from gets the stuffing beaten out of him by Batman (who was also cloned from a discarded kleenex) for declaring cheese the universal currency and thus rendering Batman's money mostly useless.
1426x2 P.C. - Oscar Wilde is discovered to be hoarding sex in his car parked by the river in New New Orleans. This leads him into a Decline that lasts for millions of years until Ultra Jesus comes.
He is also the only one who knows the truth about Avril Lavigne. This has driven the press wild(e), because Wilde refuses to tell anyone. While some speculate that this is because he is dead, this fact has been disputed.


Winston Churchill skrev:"I like pigs. Mistresses look up to us. Wives look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."





Appearance on American Idol




In late 2006 / early 2007, rumors spread around the Internet, started by this guy about the missing "Oscar Wilde Bitch-Slaps Simon Cowell" episode of the 2006 season of American Idol. It was rumored that Simon Cowell was beaten so badly he had to be replaced by a robot. Any links promising footage led to 404 or porno pages. Spam e-mails went around the Internet saying Oscar Wilde had enrolled in the contest as a way to get past Cowell's security, to "physically express his loathing hatred of Simon Cowell."
However, the story finally hit the mainstream media when Entertainment Tonight aired the shocking video clips. The clips began by showing Oscar Wilde show up drunk, then beginning to belt out the lyrics to "Baby Got Back" in a sort of Jamaican/Welsh falsetto accent. Simon then stops Oscar Wilde from singing and begins to diss Oscar Wilde in his trademark fashion. However, unlike other contestants who stand their like a bitch and take it, Oscar Wilde proceeded to leap over the table and beat Simon mercilessly with a sturgeon he'd previously concealed in his codpiece. The video recorded Oscar Wilde's prose for posterity, including famous insults such as "Do you think being gay means you have any taste?", "Recording wrestler's records? Teletubbies? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!", "Usurp me as Britain's most well-know poof, NEVER?", "You get paid $32 million a year for insulting people?!?! I only got five pounds for dissing the queen of England!!!!!", "If you know what makes good singing why are you hanging out with Paula Abdul?", "Stop spreading the myth that British and gay are the same! You know damn well Elton John is dead-butch and gays it up to sell records!" and other things not beeped by the censors.
However, Oscar Wilde soon after unleashed the ravenous attack lawyers the Church of Scientology he keeps in its basement upon ET!, suing the entertainment show for slander, libel, and making the camera add 20lbs to his ass. Geraldo soon came out with his own examination of the video, claiming the ET! expert's examination of Oscar's bitch-slap ("back...and to the left.....back...and to the left") was really lifted from the Oliver Stone movie JFK.
Simon Cowell however never spoke up about the incident, while the FOX network denied it ever happened. Simon Cowell's publicist later denied his client and Oscar Wilde had ever been in a fight and that his client had been injured to the point he needed to be replaced by a robot, even when the National Enquirer ran pictures of Simon Cowell oiling himself and fixing the wires sticking out of his neck, as well as the candid shots of him connected to an electrical socket at a popular L.A. nightclub, as well as reports of a comatose Simon Cowell being found in a nursing home in Bad Ass, Texas.



Wilde's Wit



OscarWilde skrev:“The only thing in the world worse than being Oscar Wilde is not being Oscar Wilde.”

Oscar Wilde's wit is as sharp as a bandsaw and twice as insightful. He is a master conversationalist; his intellect and cranium are of the magnitude as to have dragged one polite session of small-talk into nigh on three days, leaving gashes on the furniture and his gracious hosts-cum-guests scarcely aware they had missed the horse-drawn train. At the dinner party of Lord Autumn-Whiner (retired, deceased) Oscar Wilde orated the guests up near the ceiling, where they floated helplessly until he called upon his friend Dorian Gray to bring them back down again. Oscar's command of ....., letting him to speak on any subject with complete fluidity, went to ill employ by a charlatan seeking to pump up the prices of Irish potatoes. It is said that God borrowed Oscar Wilde's spur-of-the-moment ramblings on ethics in writing the second edition of the Holy Bible; in light of this, Wilde's wit is clearly devastating.
Foolishly, Wilde began to think of his skills in speech as a sort of superpower, and in response to egging on over the course of weeks by his close acquaintance The Green Lantern he talked philosophy to the king of England with such ferocious precision as to convince his majesty to jump off Big Ben, which had not been constructed yet. This got him a run in King's Massage Table prison, where he nearly went mad for not having anybody to patronise. Fitted with a "wit inhibitor," he was blocked from intimidating and wooing any jail guards into releasing him and had to break out on his own. The experience changed Wilde, who determined to use his powers for good and not evil. The faint outline of the Wilde symbol can still be made out on the clouds in Ireland, for instance when a member of parliament requires a good quip for his re-election campaign.





Famous Quotes


OscarWilde skrev:"True love is just like regular love, but with more truth."
OscarWilde skrev:“Nothing is as difficult to take seriously as people who take themselves seriously.”
OscarWilde skrev:“Veni, vidi, veni iterum!"
OscarWilde skrev:“The purpose of art is to make the imagined seem real, the impossible seem possible. Pornography has much the same purpose. ...”
OscarWilde skrev:"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
OscarWilde skrev:“I constantly narrate my life, in third person, in an Australian accent.”
OscarWilde skrev:"If music be the food of love, get me a supersized big mac, chips, two apple pies and a large milkshake."
OscarWilde skrev:God, who carved humans from rocks, is history's most notable stoner.
OscarWilde skrev:“I tried to visit Albania but I couldn't find it on the map.”
OscarWilde skrev:"Good things come to those who wait. Totally awesome things, like HD TVs and iPods, come to those who steal them."
OscarWilde skrev:"I've got the balls to be Wilde."
OscarWilde skrev:"Ah, rugby - the true british sport. All those fine young men running up and down the pitch covered head to foot in mud and stuffed into tiny white shorts.. I used to love the school rugby team"
OscarWilde skrev:"Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling."
OscarWilde skrev:"We are thrust into this unholy world, so may we continue thrusting until we are sore!"
OscarWilde skrev:"The only way to a woman's heart is through her rib cage with a kitchen knife."
OscarWilde skrev:"One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that, would tell one anything."
OscarWilde skrev:"You can't say 'happiness' without 'penis'."
OscarWilde skrev:"Smoking shortens your cigarette!"
OscarWilde skrev:"One doesn't need a large rocket to send a probe to Uranus."
OscarWilde skrev:"Finding the meaning of life is easy. Simply get a dictionary, go to the 'L' section, and find the word 'life.'"
OscarWilde skrev:“I'm a poet. Don't I know it! Show me a cock and I'll happily blow it.”
OscarWilde skrev:"I once ate an entire jar of peanut butter, and I didn't even have a spoon!"
OscarWilde skrev:“Build a man a fire and he will be warm for one night. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.”
OscarWilde skrev:"I have no regrets. ...Except for that one time with the chicken."
OscarWilde skrev:"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up ladies' skirts while we're down there."
OscarWilde skrev:"If there's one thing I don't understand, it's everything."
OscarWilde skrev:"Amerika-jin no chinchin wa honto ni okii desho!"
OscarWilde skrev:"There is no sin except stupidity."
OscarWilde skrev:"I like men in the way that men like girls, but instead of girls, men."


Things Oscar Wilde Probably Said

OscarWilde skrev:"Yes."
OscarWilde skrev:"No."
OscarWilde skrev:"Maybe."
OscarWilde skrev:"My name is Oscar Wilde."
OscarWilde skrev:"Hello."
OscarWilde skrev:"No, the jam's in the THIRD cupboard from the top!"
OscarWilde skrev:"How are you?"
OscarWilde skrev:"I have to go."
OscarWilde skrev:"Pardon me."
OscarWilde skrev:"Actually, I'm a mute."
OscarWilde skrev:"A little to the left. No, your other left! OWW! CHRIST! Too far!!"
OscarWilde skrev:"I fail to see why my quotes are so much more popular than, say, Britney Spears."
OscarWilde skrev:"You better have wiped it since you last went, or I will be seriously browned off. Literally."
OscarWilde skrev:"No I am not Musical, I am Literary. Oh, hang on, I see what you mean."
OscarWilde skrev:"There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and made-up Oscar Wilde quotes."





Random Facts

Oscar Wilde...
Turned down knottytime with Asuka Langley Sorya.
Avid wanderer of Euston Tube Station. Would often spend hours strolling along it's platforms for no apparent reason.
Was last seen aboard the Titanic holding Kate Winslet's hand.
His surname Wilde is a direct connection to the tigers living in the Congo.
Is most likely a mammal
Says witty things ALL the time
His purpose is to flip out and say something to be quoted
His favorite composer is Franz Joseph Haydn, and he fit every word of The Importance of Being Earnest to the music of Haydn's La Vera Costanza.
Taught MacGyver how to disarm an atomic bomb using peanuts, orange soda, poo, and Steve Ballmer
Is one of Captain Falcon's best friends.
Likes his martinis in his stomach
Pities the fool who calls himself Mister T.
Has done the second largest amount of drugs and still lived to tell about it. Keith Richards still holds the record, however.
Had awful handwriting
Has died and been re-born countless times, though the many tales of his many deaths have disappeared into the mists of time, or have been deleted, whichever comes first.
Was born when a rare Grand Septile pattern formed between the moon, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto.[1]
Once traveled to an all-cat dimension and appeared on the Late-Late Show with Catman O'Brien.
Once tripped over a peanut and fell into a black hole.
Once ordered the chicken vindaloo at an Indian restaurant and couldn't handle it. Was jokingly called "Oscar Milde" for a week after that.
Was killed by Amy Rose, Axel Rose, Rose McGowan, Gypsy Rose Lee, Steve Ballmer, and the Latvian Mafia. However, the authorities ruled it to be suicide by falling down an elevator shaft onto some bullets.
Was actually last seen in Britain running into the bushes with Lord Luccan.
Taught Jesus everything he knew.
Farts with a Swami up his ass.
Told Li Jie The Bald How to grow hair
Is leet.
Is Spartacus
has had sex with the toast king and Prawn Boy 67 times, 2 more and he gets a free microwave oven.
Among the many psudonyms used by Oscar Wilde are in the form of anagrams which include "Docile Wars", "Oldies' Craw", "I Was Colder", "Car Die Slow", "Cow Lad Sire", "A Dire Scowl" and "Race dis Owl".
A longtime amateur inventor, Oscar Wilde has invented toasters, inventing, The Pope-mobile, Hammer of the Righteous, The Oscar/Academy Awards, George Lazenby, Yasser Arafat's blanket, The Spirit Squad (WWE), Baking Soda, Bondage Gear, Night Storage Heaters, Abdurrahman Wahid, Wax, Your Imminent Doom, God, Dill Pickles, The Vorpal Blade, Microprocessors, Those regular kindsa pickles, X-TREME, Nate Lundell, The color purple (start wearing it for him now.), Windows (the OS), Windows (the holes), The wank-stain, Osama Bin Laden turban, Air, The wheel, Fire, The Sandwich, Organized Religion, Flight, Fire, Water, Magic, Metallica, Thrash Metal (see Metallica*, The Third Nipple, Sliced bread, Jesus, Lesbians, The Penis, The Wii, Denim, Bunco, Oreo and Cheese Puffs.
Was caught drinking the holy water in a St. Louis catholic church while under the influence of Dramamine.
Has a rare condition known as double penis.
Can give birth to live owls at will.
Is renowned as the as the world's worst player of The Chapman Stick.
Taught Robert De Niro how to play the famous "You talkin' to me?" part of Taxi Driver.
Was the assistant to Josef Mengele.
Taught Chuck Norris how to perform the Roundhouse Kick.
Took first place in a hotdog eating contest somewhere in downstate Illinois.
Has reduced many of the Animal Kingdom, such as the Pinchiukas, to endangered species status.
Often performs in the band "Black Label Society" under a completely unguessable psydonym.
Is the main export of the United States of Armenia.
Was one of the original signers of the Constitution of the United Spades of Americha, and would later become its 43rd President.
Was the first man to be banned from China.
Is a frequent user of the word excellent.
Current record holder for most bunyips killed as an X-treme Bunyip Hunter.
Often was seen tripping over sleeping street bums in times of drunken revelry.
Is involved in a long running feud with Led Zeppelin over the invention of the Twin or Double Necked Eel, and not using A Wilde Time as the title of Led Zeppelin IV.
Inadvertently caused the LA Riots during a concert with Metallica.
Pizza.
Was an early player of Co-ed Strip Twister.
Was impersonated by emo star Chesney Hawks.
The Oscar Wilde Memorial University was founded in his honor, which is odd since he isn't dead yet. (See main Oscar Wilde article)
Briefly attended SUNY Plattsburgh, only to be kicked out after setting fire to the English Department office.
The Oscar Wilde Freeway, US highway 153444, is named after him.
Was briefly a tunnel dweller.
Invented the first known WMD, the 1920's style "Death Rays".
Single handedly won the The Great War No-One Really Remembers Anymore.
Inspired the character Drago in Rocky IV. However, Wilde actually pummelled Sly Stone to within an in of his sorry life, then starred in a porno with him. Historians still debate over the validity of Rocky IV, but agree the porno to be strangely alluring.
While in one of his many drunken stupors, was found passed out an outhouse phone booth (which he had mistook for a Bulgarian pub). The startled villagers, who mistook Wilde's drunken and incoherent ramblings as sagely advice, unanimously elected him King of Bulgaria. As Wilde awoke two days later, largely unaware of the past month, soon became angered at the strange behavior of the people, who bowed as he passed by or addressed him as "Good day, my liege!" and "Congratulations on becoming King, your Majesty." After about an hour, Wilde exclaimed, "Blast!, no matter how far I travel I can never get away from the French!" and quickly ran off in a mad dash to parts unknown.
To his regret, is the sole owner of the People's Republic of Canada.
Great adherent of the Atonement Special.
Spent much of his teenage years in Saxony, where he would learn much of his skill playing the saxophone.
As the Royally appointed Master of the Horn, only though Wilde can a tourist court the foxy lady known as Avril Lavigne.
Invented the Egyptian pyramids in 1978. Began the construction in 1981.
Regarding Oscar Wilde's height, it is a little-known fact that Dr. Wilde was actually excedingly short. Reliable sources suggest him to be about 2'6". Many attribute his many successes to this fact.
A fierce rival of Alvin & the Chipmunks, Wilde's 1958 hit The Importance Of Being Idle competed directly with the Chipmunk's Christmas song. It has long been claimed by the Chipmunks that Wilde supplied information to the House on Un-American Activities Committee resulting in their being blacklisted from the music industry until the 1980s.
I believe that Oscar Wilde was the founder of the modern Undictionary.
Charter member of the Anti-Freedom Party, founded in 1883 with Benjamin Darklighter.
Suspected to have connections to the Homeless insane.
President of the Pathological Liars Anonymous...or is he ?
A covert member of the government agency PCMCIA.
Former professional wrestler, and later color commentator, of the WWF.
After discovering the shocking destructive power of his latest invention Whopperbuzz, he quickly sold the rights to Mircosoft.
Is the mentor of Steve Vai and User:66.42.127.183.
Among the inventions ripped off from insipred by include the Wheel, Pluto, the Perpetual Motion Machine, the Marxist joke, Air, the phrase 'Bugger off', Temporal Paradox n°3, and the Magic 8-Ball.
Creator of the fictional characters Florencia and Oscar Wilde.
A world renown connosour, Oscar Wilde opposes the existence of White chocolate macadamia cookies on the grounds they are the girliest cookie in existence.
Was once hypnotized by a duck.
Oscar Wilde was the inspiration for famous the Cat Stevens song, Wilde World.
Known internationaly as "da Pimp", Wilde has also been referred to as "Biznatch", "Wildebeast", "Grandmaster of Soul", "Wonka Junior", and "Governor of Funk".
He once exited his home with a massive erection. None survived.
Oscar Wilde counted to infinity...twice!
An early follower of Aestheticism.
He is a queerdo.
Once lost a piece of dandruff while traveling through Missouri (for no reason other than because he can), which, over time, grew and matured into Chuck Norris, who Wilde killed and replaced with a monkey-powered android. This android resurrected the original Chuck Norris, and challenged it to a poker game. The original Chuck Norris (which many scholars believe to be a misspelling of his birthname Chick Norris) failed to take this literally, and so died when he had nothing to defend himself against Monkey Chuck's poking device. The grand irony of the whole situation, Oscar noted, was that the monkey's hand was complete junk.
Wrote the original script for the karate kid. Later was rejected due to the influence of his belief in white supremacy
Was the original renegade of funk, King of Pop, King of All-Media, Porno King, Pumpkin King, pretender to the throne of San Marino, Lone Ranger, and Pope of Greenwich Village.
Is the Walrus.
Wrote Like A Rolling Stone for Bob Dylan.
Has gone to sleep with Bo Derek and waken up with Bo Diddley.
Can say "Candlejack" without getting kidna
Don't push him 'cause he's close to the edge (is also trying not to lose his edge).
Is also close to The Edge of U2 fame.
Proved that 1=2, White=Black, Capitalism=Communism, and that the Earth, although appearing to be spherical, is in fact a cube?



Oscar Wilde is widely considered to be a bisexual or homosexual dead-butch straight heterosexual. No one knows about this. It is definitely a huge secret and should be taken very seriously when announced.
This quote has been attributed to Oscar Wilde, though no one is certain if he was serious or jesting:

OscarWilde skrev:“I'm a tri-sexual; I'll try anything at least once. Blow up toys, whipped cream, men, women, unidentifiables, you name it and I'll give it a go.”




Senast ändrad av OscarWilde den mån feb 01, 2010 7:05 pm, ändrad totalt 5 gånger


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The only thing worse than being talked about is being misquoted... well... there's also the Holocaust... The only two things that are worse than being talked about are... well, hard labour is pretty bad too... The only three things that are worse... Now that I think about it, the Spanish Inquisition was worse.

2 Sv: This is me! i mån jan 25, 2010 11:31 am

riyamz

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Jag trode att du hette oscar. men vad heter du egentligen???

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3 Sv: This is me! i mån jan 25, 2010 6:44 pm

OscarWilde

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riyamz skrev:Jag trode att du hette oscar. men vad heter du egentligen???

OscarWilde skrev:“I am the only man that it's OK for another man to love. Especially when dead.”


_________________
The only thing worse than being talked about is being misquoted... well... there's also the Holocaust... The only two things that are worse than being talked about are... well, hard labour is pretty bad too... The only three things that are worse... Now that I think about it, the Spanish Inquisition was worse.

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